


Falling Apart

by burning_arrow



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: F/F, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 14:01:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_arrow/pseuds/burning_arrow
Summary: Cara’s surprised by Kahlan’s behavior after Richard leaves Aydindril.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many LotS femslash authors have written pieces on the theme of “Cara and Kahlan have a torrid affair behind Richard’s back and [insert happy, sad, or angsty ending here].” This is my dubious contribution to that body of work. It started out largely as smut, and then it got, well, er…complicated…with occasional appearances from HBIC!Kahlan. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Originally posted on LiveJournal on 3/21/14.

Cara Mason did not submit. To anyone. Ever. Not since her Sisters of the Agiel had beaten her and left her for dead. Even her service to the Lord Rahl was more of an understanding among equals. And she most certainly did not submit during sex. So she was a bit confounded when she found herself naked, shoved up against a wall, her wrists pinned above her head by one of the Mother Confessor’s hands, while the fingers of the other worked inside Cara like a master musician, drawing out notes from deep within her that Cara had never heard herself make before. Somehow, Kahlan not only remained clothed, but she clearly showed no signs of letting Cara do anything to rectify that situation. Cara growled in frustration under her breath, but the sound turned to a whimper as Kahlan’s fingers curled inside of her.  
  
“You know the rules,” said the Confessor, her blue eyes glittering and intense, a dark, dangerous smile twisting her lips. “No touching.”  
  
Cara moaned as Kahlan’s thumb ghosted over her sensitive, swollen sex. She at least had enough dignity left to shoot Kahlan an annoyed glare, before the Confessor increased the pressure on her clit and Cara’s head fell back against the stone. She vaguely wondered how it had come to this. She knew she should probably show some sign of resistance, but it was so very hard to concentrate with Kahlan’s thumb swirling over her tender flesh and Kahlan’s hot breath whispering in her ear. She watched with dismay as each inch of her carefully contrived control was stripped away by the Confessor. Her body tensed as the pressure built at the base of her spine, her skin tingling in anticipation.  
  
“Come for me, Cara,” demanded Kahlan, her voice low, her lips barely brushing the edge of Cara’s ear.  
  
Some part of Cara bristled at the audacity of the Confessor. How dare she think to give Cara commands? Yet even as she had these thoughts, her body obeyed the order. With a hoarse cry, Cara bore down on Kahlan’s fingers, and her release shook her body, her muscles rigid with the strain. She felt as if she were shattering into pieces as wave upon wave of ecstasy pushed through her. Kahlan did not remove her hand from Cara’s sex until the last of the contractions subsided, and even then Cara regretted the loss.  
  
When Kahlan freed her wrists, Cara tried to support her own weight, but her traitorous knees buckled and the Confessor caught her gently. It was too much. Cara could handle sex. Though it surprised her when Kahlan had kissed her less than an hour ago, and shocked her even more when the Confessor’s touch had become forceful and dominating, it was still a language that Cara understood. Richard was away in D’Hara, the Confessor alone for more than a month. Perhaps this was not what Richard meant when he’d ordered Cara to stay by Kahlan’s side with instructions to ‘take care of her’, but Cara was not going to question Kahlan’s interpretation of the matter. That was between the Mother Confessor and the Lord Rahl. Cara ignored the momentary twinge of conscience that suggested that it was her friend who she might be betraying, not her lord.  
  
Besides, Cara had always suspected that Richard and Kahlan’s vows of fidelity were a bit overdone, and here was the proof. Cara’s amazement came not at Kahlan’s lack of fortitude, but rather from the gusto with which the Confessor pursued her desires. Not that Cara really minded, except for the part where Kahlan claimed full reign over their activities. But this – the light in Kahlan’s eyes, the soft look she gave Cara, the tenderness in her arms as she held Cara up – this was unnerving. Cara might have said terrifying, if Mord’Sith were capable of admitting fear.  
  
Finding strength that had previously eluded her, Cara straightened up and forced herself away from the wall, roughly pushing Kahlan back with the same motion. The Confessor looked confused by her reaction, then saddened. Cara turned away so she wouldn’t have to watch Kahlan’s expression. She unsteadily walked to where her leathers had been hastily discarded, silently cursing her worthless limbs for their weakness. She pulled them on as quickly as she could before taking a deep breath and swiveling around to face Kahlan, a hand on her hip.  
  
“I should thank you for that interesting diversion,” she said dryly, smirking. “It was most pleasurable.”  
  
There was a faint blush on Kahlan’s cheeks, yet she held Cara’s gaze unflinchingly. In fact the Confessor was the picture of composure as she stood proudly, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. Cara almost shuddered as her eyes traced those long fingers, remembering where they had been only moments ago, but she squelched the impulse.   
  
In a voice that hinted at some deeper emotion, Kahlan replied, “It was indeed satisfying. Perhaps we will have to do it again some time.”  
  
Cara’s mouth went dry with Kahlan’s words. It was a terrible idea, one that could only end badly, but she found her pulse racing at the suggestion. She gave the Confessor a nod, not trusting herself to speak. Without another word, she strode from Kahlan’s chambers, wondering why she suddenly knew what the fly felt when it found itself caught in the spider’s web and also wondering why it didn’t bother her more.  
  
***  
  
The second time it happened, three days later, Cara found herself bent over Kahlan’s desk in the offices of the Mother Confessor. Gripping the outer edge of the desk tightly, her knuckles white with strain, Cara groaned loudly as Kahlan entered her from behind with three fingers. Almost thoughtlessly, Cara widened her stance a little to allow Kahlan better access. She pressed her front to the desktop, the polished wood cool and smooth against her naked breasts and stomach.   
  
Her efforts to avoid the Confessor had proven fruitless when Kahlan convened a meeting of the war council to deal with a small uprising in the south. Cara had no excuses to offer as to why she couldn’t be there. Now she was paying the price – and what a sweet price it was. Kahlan slid smoothly inside of her. Try as she might to ignore and avoid Kahlan’s watchful eye during the council meeting, the Confessor’s gaze had been impossible to escape in a small room with less than ten people. Her disloyal sex had been wet before Kahlan had even had time to yank her leathers off of her.  
  
Now, Cara’s legs trembled as Kahlan moved within her with almost agonizing slowness, first pushing her fingers deep into the Mord’Sith, then almost withdrawing, only to push forward again. Cara gritted her teeth, straining her hips as far back as they could go without letting go of the desk. Kahlan had been very specific about that point. If she released the desk, Kahlan would stop. Yet each time Cara tried to urge Kahlan to penetrate her more fully, the Confessor seemed to slip away, dancing just out of reach. The torturous pleasure nearly made Cara beg, but she bit back the words, not wanting to give Kahlan more than the satisfaction of the guttural noises that escaped unwillingly from Cara’s throat.   
  
Just as Cara thought she could take no more, she felt the palm of Kahlan’s other hand press flat against the small of her back, then slide across her hip and around her waist. Circling around Cara’s body and insinuating itself between her and the desk, Kahlan’s hand found the soaking folds of Cara’s sex. Two nimble fingers slipped past her outer lips and began a steady stroking over her aching flesh. Cara quivered, her whole body shuddering under Kahlan’s touch. Had she been coherent enough to form thoughts she might have wondered at Kahlan’s ability to provoke such a reaction. As it was, Cara barely maintained her hold on the desk as Kahlan thrust deeper into her than she had before, setting up a new and more urgent rhythm. Cara’s breath came in ragged gasps interspersed with low, throaty moans that reverberated in her chest. Cara squeezed her eyes shut as the fire in her belly grew hotter with each stroke, all of her attention focused on Kahlan’s hands and the sensations they elicited.   
  
Within moments she climaxed. Her contractions shook her body, her inner muscles clamping down on Kahlan’s fingers. A wordless shout tore from her mouth. Spirits, it had never felt like this before. When she thought her body had finally surrendered all it could, Kahlan began to caress her again, forcing her over an even higher peak and she nearly screamed. Limp and spent, she lay motionless on the desk save for the heaving rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath again. Moments passed before she slowly became aware of anything beside the thrill of her release. Kahlan’s hands rested on her hips, and the Confessor bent low over her, planting soft kisses across her back.  
  
Panic bubbled up in Cara’s chest at the gentleness of Kahlan’s lips on her skin. Not again, she thought, desperate and angry. Kahlan could do what she wanted with Cara, except this. She thought Kahlan had understood that after their first encounter. Propping herself up on weak arms, Cara slowly straightened. Kahlan drifted quietly away from her, allowing Cara the space she craved. By the time Cara turned, there was no trace of tenderness in Kahlan’s features. Cara opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. Kahlan’s distant expression made her doubt the intent of the kisses, and she’d not make herself vulnerable by addressing them first. The look on Kahlan’s face almost made it seem as if they’d never happened.  
  
At once sated and disgruntled, Cara again dressed swiftly. She made her way to the door, but Kahlan’s voice stopped her before she could leave.  
  
“I hope you’ll consider joining me for dinner tonight,” said Kahlan easily, taking a seat behind her desk, as if she’d spent the last half hour chatting with Cara like friends instead of having the Mord’Sith sprawled helplessly in front of her. Cara thought, not for the first time, that the Mother Confessor would have made an excellent Mord’Sith.  
  
“I will,” said Cara tersely.  
  
She was not sure she had any choice in the matter.  
  
***  
  
And so it went for almost two months – clandestine meetings every few days between the Mord’Sith and the Confessor, each rendezvous leaving Cara breathless and boneless and more confused than ever. Kahlan never let Cara touch her beyond an initial embrace or a few passionate kisses to get things started. Almost tauntingly, the Confessor drove Cara to great heights of pleasure before finishing her with a sort of ruthless, overwhelming efficiency that Cara had to grudgingly admire. Yet there were always the fleeting touches and surreptitious glances from Kahlan as well – the way she sometimes held Cara’s hand when the Mord’Sith came, or gently swiped a stray hair from Cara’s forehead, or glided a palm easily along Cara’s spine, her blue eyes searching and open. But only for a moment. Then Kahlan’s eyes would flatten and cool, and she would step away before Cara could comment or protest. Only, the damage had been done and Cara would find her head spinning and her chest aching with strange, half-formed emotions that she knew better than to examine too closely. Cara knew she could be nothing more than a stand in for the Lord Rahl, and she told herself, albeit with only half-hearted conviction, that these gentle overtures were just the Confessor’s way of dealing with Richard’s absence, a peculiar sort of transference.  
  
Odder even than their furtive encounters were the times when Cara and Kahlan sought each other out for reasons other than physical satisfaction. Theirs had never been a sociable friendship, more fellow warriors joined in a common cause, but now they seemed to favor each other’s company. An occasional question on a military matter would spin off into an hour long discussion on the philosophy of military leadership. Advice on a particularly difficult and thorny judgment turned into a debate over the merits of compassion versus firmness. Despite the turmoil brewing inside her, Cara was surprised to find she enjoyed these interludes, almost more than their more strenuous exertions. On the road, Kahlan had always seemed naively simple to Cara, and sensitive to the point of absurdity. As the weeks passed, she came to see the complex and politically savvy mind hidden behind Kahlan’s calm demeanor and serene smile. With a sense of giddy awe, Cara watched as the Confessor subtly yet decisively wended her way through machinations of the lords and ladies of the Council, deftly moving them to where she wanted them with as much skill as Kahlan commanded on the battlefield.  
  
For brief periods, Cara could almost forget that Richard would return to claim his mate. She knew she was far too pleased with this thought than she should be. And then one day, Cara’s journeybook announced the arrival of the Lord Rahl on the day after next. Richard explained that he had not alerted her earlier due to Zedd’s concerns of an ambush while they traveled. With his usual blunt and friendly style, Richard sent her warm wishes and hopes of seeing her soon. Upon reading the words, something went numb inside of Cara. She didn’t remember leaving her chambers or entering Kahlan’s. The first thing she would be able to recall later would be the Confessor staring at a piece of parchment in her hand, a letter sent to her by Richard by mounted messenger, her blue eyes somehow both impassive and intense all at once. Kahlan took Cara with such ferocity that night that the Mord’Sith was sore the next day, though she would never complain about that, or about the multiple climaxes Kahlan carried her through.  
  
The Lord Rahl arrived in the city with the fanfare fitting visiting royalty, though Cara could tell Richard was still uncomfortable with this sort of attention, the remnants of the simple woods guide occasionally peeking out from behind his stern guise. Shunning the usual state feast, he insisted on a dinner with only his closest friends and allies. Cara had little stomach for the event, but she attended out of obligation. Richard greeted her with a rough hug, which Cara returned awkwardly, and they stepped apart quickly, Richard grinning at her discomfort. When the meal was served, Kahlan sat at Richard’s right, with Zedd next to the Confessor, while Cara took her place to the left of Richard. The Confessor, wizard, and Seeker talked excitedly among themselves, clearly taking Cara’s silence as nothing more than her usual reticence, though once in a while Kahlan would cast her a questioning glance. Cara was sure to answer questions fully, at least as fully as she normally did, and with enough sarcasm to get an occasional chuckle and, usually, no more questions for a few more minutes.  
  
When Kahlan rose from the table to speak to a clerk who needed her attention, Richard leaned on his elbow toward Cara.  
  
“I assume there’s been no trouble here in Aydindril while I’ve been gone?” he asked quietly, not wanting Kahlan to overhear.  
  
“None that the Mother Confessor couldn’t handle quite adequately,” replied Cara, with a bit more pride and defensiveness than she had intended. Richard raised an amused eyebrow.  
  
“It seems you two have gotten on even better since I left. That’s good. And I’m well aware Kahlan’s very capable, Cara, but I also know she doesn’t want me to worry. So, there really has been nothing of concern?” he insisted.  
  
“No,” answered Cara, forcing herself to relax.  
  
“Very good,” murmured Richard, his eyes tracking Kahlan’s progress across the room. “I appreciate you staying to watch over Kahlan. I know you would have rather traveled to D’Hara. Thank you.”  
  
Cara hummed a non-committal response. A thick knot of something that felt disturbingly like guilt settled in her gut. Did he really not know or at the very least suspect? Cara hadn’t yet met a lord or lady who did not have a dalliance on the side now and then, but she was suddenly confronted with a harsh reminder that Richard was of simpler stock, no matter his bloodline.  
  
As the Confessor slid into her seat again, Richard placed a hand over Kahlan’s. She gave him a wide smile, though Cara thought there might have been a hint of strain around the edges of Kahlan’s eyes. Then Cara cursed herself a fool for seeing what she wished to see. She had been nothing but a bed-warmer for Kahlan, she always knew that. There was no use in regretting that or believing that her feelings changed anything. Now that the Lord Rahl was back, Kahlan would no doubt return to Richard’s bed, and he into her heart, as it had always been. Suddenly feeling ill, Cara stood abruptly.  
  
“I apologize,” she started roughly, “but I am not feeling well.”  
  
Without waiting for a word from the others, Cara left the small dining room. Behind her she heard Richard remark that she really must feel sick if the Mord’Sith had admitted it openly. Zedd laughed at this, but Kahlan was silent. Cara didn’t look back, but she imagined that Kahlan might be watching her go. Or maybe that was just what she hoped.  
  
***  
  
Staring at the ceiling of her quarters, Cara cursed Kahlan, herself, the Spirits, and any other damned thing that happened to pop into her mind at the moment. Jealousy was for fools who demanded more than human nature was capable of producing, people who believed in love and righteousness and that sort of nonsense. Cara didn’t get jealous, because she didn’t have false expectations. At least she hadn’t – until tonight. Ever since returning to her chambers, she’d stewed in her own toxic juices. Sleepless and restless, she’d considered a trip to one of the cities brothels, but couldn’t quite muster the wherewithal to leave her bed. Instead she settled for glaring at the innocent mortar and beams over her head. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, sleep still elusive as ever, she threw her legs over the side of the bed. _To the Keeper with it_ , she thought, _I’m not going to stay here while she enjoys a good night’s rest in Richard’s arms._  
  
No sooner had she begun to put a leg into her leathers, than a soft, almost timid knock came at the door. Growling and pulling her leathers up to her waist, her night shift covering her upper body, she stomped to the door and flung it open. The sharp words she’d been about to utter died on her lips as she stared at Kahlan standing there in nothing but a night shift and a shawl. Kahlan never came here. Cara was half-surprised the Confessor even knew where she slept with as large as the Confessors Palace was.  
  
Without waiting for an invitation, Kahlan slid inside the room, closing the door behind her. Speechless, Cara watched as Kahlan surveyed the area around her. Cara kept the space clean and spartan, as befitted the discipline of a proper Mord’Sith. Her one concession to luxury was the bed, large and soft and decently warm during the winters in Aydindril. Kahlan stared at it now, before turning her gaze back to Cara. The Mord’Sith swallowed, her throat dry from the emotion she saw in the Confessor’s eyes.  
  
Cara wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were tumbling together and backwards onto the bed. Kahlan’s shawl fluttered to the ground, forgotten. Kahlan’s hands were rough as she stripped Cara of her shift and half-donned leathers. Normally, Kahlan would have demanded that Cara grab the headboard or something equally as effective at keeping her hands off of Kahlan, but tonight Kahlan seemed not to care. Though Kahlan made no move to remove her own nightgown, she let Cara grip her hips. Cara pulled Kahlan down on top of her. Kahlan’s mouth devoured Cara’s, the kiss lingering far longer than usual. When Kahlan broke away from the kiss, Cara sucked in a breath, only to have it stolen by Kahlan’s teeth and tongue on her throat. Digging her fingers into Kahlan’s back, Cara cried out in appreciation as the Confessor bit down on her shoulder.  
  
Kahlan’s motions became frenzied, her hands and mouth demanding as they skated over Cara’s chest, her breasts, her ribs and stomach. Cara hissed with each sharp nip of Kahlan’s teeth, moaned as Kahlan’s fingers splayed across her skin. Kahlan swept even lower, her hands parting Cara’s thighs. The Mord’Sith had only a moment to comprehend what was happening before Kahlan’s hot mouth covered her sex. Cara’s hips bucked and her back arched from the sudden, intense contact. Her fingers curled and tangled in Kahlan’s thick hair, pressing Kahlan close. Waves of tingling pleasure rolled over and through her as Kahlan’s tongue lapped at her. She thought she must be dreaming. Kahlan had never before used her mouth like this, preferring instead to use her hands. Cara had even wondered if the Confessor was too squeamish for such intimate contact with a woman. She was immensely happy to be proven wrong.  
  
When Kahlan added her fingers to the job her mouth was doing, Cara’s vision narrowed and all thoughts fled from her mind. Cara’s body tightened as if it were a bow string drawn by Kahlan’s hand. Kahlan held her there for one quivering moment, before curling her fingers in the way that always sent Cara tumbling over the edge. Without intention or forethought, Kahlan’s name spilled from Cara’s lips as her release rocked her body. Even to her own ears, it sounded like a plea.  
  
Before the languid haze had a chance to clear from Cara’s mind, Kahlan crawled back up her body and lowered her full weight onto Cara. Without a word, Kahlan began to kiss her again. Cara could taste her own arousal on Kahlan’s lips and tongue. Where the Confessor had been insistent and hungry before, her mouth now moved with unhurried ease, taking the time to suck on Cara’s lips and softly probe her mouth. Cara fell into the sensation, cupping Kahlan’s cheeks and surrendering to the gentle exploration. A fluttering feeling started in her chest, as if tiny bird wings beat against her ribs.  
  
Then, with a sudden shock, reality poured back into Cara’s mind, like freezing water dousing her head. She groaned mournfully and pulled her mouth from Kahlan’s. It was one thing to occasionally find herself useful in Richard’s absence, it was another matter altogether to cuckold her lord when he slumbered only a few floors away. It was a thin distinction, but one that seemed to matter.  
  
“Kahlan, we shouldn’t…” she began in a hoarse whisper.  
  
“Shut up,” growled Kahlan. “You don’t get to have reservations about this now.”  
  
Kahlan silenced any objections Cara might have had with another kiss. And Kahlan was right, of course. Cara had chosen this path too long ago to turn away from it now. She’d abandoned any right to argue the moment she’d let Kahlan touch her the first time. The least she could do now was be honest. She wanted this and she would take this as long as Kahlan gave it to her. As Kahlan kissed her, Cara finally let a few of the emotions she’d been ignoring bubble to the surface. Somewhere along the line, this had ceased to be about physical pleasure alone. Perhaps it had never truly been. There was a certain thrill to that realization, but also a hint of dread. Cara couldn’t see how this nameless thing between her and Kahlan could last. Yet Kahlan was here with her, instead of in her own bed chambers with the man she supposedly loved. Cara’s mind worked to make sense of it.  
  
Kahlan’s whisper dragged Cara out of her thoughts. “Stay with me, Cara,” whispered the Confessor, “For this moment, stay with me.”  
  
Cara focused on the crystalline blue eyes peering down at her. For once, Kahlan did not disguise her tenderness and Cara felt warmth flooding her heart, soothing and frightening all at once. Part of her wanted to run. A voice in her brain mockingly reminded her that she had no right to desire this. Yet she forced herself to keep looking into those eyes until she thought they would swallow her whole, and when Kahlan dipped her head to capture her mouth once again, Cara did not resist.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Two long, fitful weeks passed without Cara being able to get close to Kahlan again. That last night in Cara’s quarters, while pulling on her shawl, the Confessor had stated that she might not be able to see Cara for a while. Yet she had also told Cara that ‘things would work out in the end’. The forced separation had Cara vacillating wildly between hope and despair, anger and sorrow. She kept telling herself that Kahlan had made her no promises, but this thought did little to ease the wait. She ached for Kahlan in ways that made her feel weak, dependent. One moment she assured herself that she could resist Kahlan’s allure, the next she admitted that if Kahlan asked for her, there was little that would stop her from acquiescing. She’d not felt so thoroughly at the mercy of someone else’s whims since she’d been broken. And that comparison was not flattering, she thought darkly.  
  
Complicating matters, Richard insisted on seeing Cara frequently, even as Kahlan avoided her. He wanted her opinions on a variety of matters regarding D’Hara, the Dragon Corp, and the remaining Mord’Sith. And for some bizarre reason he seemed to have missed Cara’s company and was genuinely pleased to see her again, all of which only served to multiply Cara’s misery tenfold. She fervently wished she could rid herself of her own fondness for him. It would’ve made things simpler. Instead, she mustered as best she could, trying to give the Lord Rahl the guidance he needed and deserved. If Richard noticed she behaved in a surlier manner than usual, he made no mention of it. If anything her ill temper and acid tongue seemed to amuse him.  
  
Cara suffered from insane moments of conscience, when she nearly blurted out the truth like some nattering idiot. While Richard had been away, her betrayal had been abstract, but with him present before her, with that affable grin and ridiculous overtures of affection, her treachery was more substantial, weighing heavily on Cara’s thoughts. Yet she held her tongue, telling herself that this was Kahlan’s tale to tell, if it was to be revealed at all. In the deepest part of herself, though, she knew she was a coward. Somehow this brought her more shame than her liaisons with Kahlan ever could.  
  
One morning, Cara’s restless thoughts drove her from her bed before dawn. Nervous energy had her stalking the halls like a trapped lion, snarling scathingly at anyone who dared get underfoot or even looked at her for a moment too long or hard. Fortunately, few guards and servants ventured the castle at this hour, and certainly none of the visiting nobles, so almost all of the palace inhabitants were spared that particular unpleasantness. With no one to vent her frustrations on, she headed for one of the drill yards. Taking her place in front of one of the wooden dummies used for sword practice, she drew her agiels. They whined and sang in her hands, but their usually clarifying pain seemed dull this morning. She hit the dummy hard across the chest area, the sting of the impact reverberating up her arm. She drew her other arm back.  
  
 _Thwack!_  
  
What in Creation was she doing with Kahlan?  
  
 _Thwack!_  
  
Richard loved Kahlan. Kahlan loved Richard. She had no place in that.  
  
 _Thwack!_  
  
What right did the Confessor have to ask this of her?!  
  
 _Thwack!_  
  
Cara’s agiels came down again and again, striking the dummy in ways that would have crippled a man of flesh and bone, yet only left the muscles in her arms smarting. The dummy gazed at her impassively, its wood no worse for wear than before she’d started. None of her thoughts were new, but they raced through her now with a certain urgency. Fatigue started creeping into her joints, but this only enraged her and she delivered even more punishing blows to the dummy. And still the dummy stared back at her, uncaring.  
  
Cara staggered back, arms limp at her side, chest heaving. Then, she threw back her head and laughed. Had anyone passed by at that moment, they might have thought the sound tinged with a hint of madness, but she remained alone in the yard. She’d asked a thousand questions of herself and answered just as many, but there was one that she’d been dancing around for weeks. That question was ‘why?’ Why was she doing this? Why was she risking all, betraying her lord and her friend? Why couldn’t she just walk away? The laugh flew out of her as she finally answered the question.   
  
She loved Kahlan.  
  
She hadn’t intended for it to happen. She’d fought it, denied it, ignored it. Still that weakest of emotions had infected her and turned her inside out. She had to make it stop. That’s all there was to it. Now, if only she knew how.  
  
Footsteps behind her made her whirl about, instinctually drawing up the agiels, ready to strike. The clerk who’d approached her, a skinny little man with a balding head, quailed at the sight, nearly falling backward as he threw his hands out in a defensive posture.  
  
“Forgive me, Mistress Cara. I did not mean to disturb you, but he Mother Confessor wishes to see you.”  
  
Fate, it would seem, would be giving her no time to puzzle out the solution to her problem.  
  
“At this hour?” she remarked sourly. Despite his terror, the clerk gave her a confused look. Only then did she look up. The sun was almost over the palace walls. How long had she been in the drill yard?  
  
“What does she want with me?” she asked harshly, her agiels only dropping a few inches. The clerk appeared as if he might wet himself.  
  
“I’m afraid that she didn’t say, but it seemed urgent,” he managed to squeak out. “She asked that you attend her in her chambers.”  
  
She stared at him coldly before finally sheathing her agiels. “Very well.”  
  
The clerk scampered out of her way as she strode past him. She knew the way and made it very clear that she needed no escort. He split off at the first corridor, an expression of relief painted on his face. She walked the rest of the way alone. She wondered what she would find when she arrived. Would Kahlan honestly be so brazen as to demand Cara’s attentions right under Richard’s nose in broad day light? Cara didn’t think so. Perhaps Kahlan had come to the same conclusion as Cara, that their diversions had to come to an end, and she’d summoned Cara to let her know. Cara hated the way her stomach plummeted at the thought.  
  
Cara passed through the hall to the Mother Confessor’s chamber unhindered. No one waited for her in the ante chamber, so she halted in front of the solid door of the bed chamber, rapping the wood with a gloved knuckle. Kahlan’s voice bid her enter. Taking a deep breath, Cara pushed the door open.  
  
Kahlan stood alone by one of the tall windows, her back to Cara, her lustrous hair cascading down her shoulders and over her crisp white gown. Though her curves disappeared in the folds of the dress, she held her back straight with an easy elegance of which she didn’t even seem to be aware. She glowed in the morning light. Cara’s heart skipped a beat.  
  
“Please, close the door,” said Kahlan, not turning to Cara.  
  
Cara complied uneasily, a strange edge in Kahlan’s tone making the hairs on her neck stand on end.  
  
When the door clicked shut, Kahlan said, “Take off your clothes.”  
  
So much for a quick ending. Cara gawked at Kahlan’s backside. Had she lost all sense? Surely Richard must be about and likely not too far away, if Cara knew the Seeker. Soon the daily routine of the Confessor’s Palace would begin in earnest, and the Mother Confessor’s presence would be expected. They had no time for this.  
  
“Kahlan, this is foolish. We need to talk,” said Cara bluntly.  
  
“Please, Cara. We’ll talk, I promise, but right now I…I need this,” replied Kahlan, stumbling over the last few words. The plea in her voice caught Cara in the gut. Kahlan’s voice was thick with emotion, tinged with something that might have been sadness. As Cara watched, Kahlan’s shoulders dropped an inch and the Confessor seemed to fold ever so slightly into herself. To anyone else, it would likely have been overlooked, barely discernible, but to Cara it looked like defeat.  
  
All thoughts of caution fled her mind. She wanted to go to Kahlan, hold her, make Kahlan tell her what was wrong. Yet the Confessor remained facing the window and she had made it plain she did not want to talk. So Cara did the only thing she could do. With quiet efficiency she stripped off her leathers, draping them over the back of a chair and leaving her smallclothes in a bundle on the seat. When she finished, the morning air chilling her skin, she gave a small cough to let Kahlan know that she was done.  
  
The Confessor shifted, gradually coming to face Cara. Though Kahlan’s expression appeared placid, her eyes were red-rimmed. The color was barely visible, but Cara knew she’d been crying. It was almost enough to distract Cara from the thin strip of metal circling Kahlan’s throat. Cara’s eyes bulged and her breath caught in her throat. She knew what a Rada’Han did to someone like Kahlan. In all their time together, Cara never thought that the Confessor would wear one for this, for her.  
  
Without a word, Kahlan disrobed slowly. Cara could do nothing but stare, her heart pounding in her chest and warmth beginning to grow and pulse low in her belly. Piece by piece, Kahlan’s clothes fell away, revealing a body that Cara had only caught glimpses of before. Now, she admired Kahlan openly. While the Confessor undressed, Kahlan never took her eyes from Cara. Though several paces separated them, Cara felt Kahlan’s gaze like a hand on her skin, creating heat wherever it fell. As the last scrap of cloth fell to the floor, Kahlan’s eyes captured Cara’s, her blue eyes burning with a fierceness that sent shivers of anticipation down Cara’s spine. Cara’s fingers ached to touch the smooth paleness of the Confessor’s body, the creamy expanse broken by only a few freckles. Her mouth felt as dry as a desert.  
  
Kahlan held out a hand to Cara. “Come to bed.”  
  
Cara crossed the space between them quickly, reaching out to take the offered hand. Kahlan’s fingers closed tightly around hers, speaking to Cara of powerful need. The Confessor tried to tug Cara in the direction of the bed, but Cara resisted. Kahlan frowned. Before Kahlan could question her, the Mord’Sith pulled Kahlan toward her. She had wanted to touch Kahlan like this so many times before, wanted to know the feel of her naked body, and she would not be denied now, when Kahlan stood so close. Cara moaned as Kahlan’s body pressed into her, soft skin and supple breasts meeting her own. Holding Kahlan’s hand to her chest with one hand, she circled Kahlan’s waist with the other, drawing the Confessor closer. A soft sigh escaped Kahlan’s lips in response.  
  
Kahlan’s mouth descended on hers, her tongue forcing its way past Cara’s lips. Cara surged up into the kiss, matching Kahlan’s aggressiveness with rough swipes of her tongue, her hand sliding over Kahlan’s chest and up into the hair at the nape of Kahlan’s neck. Her other hand dropped from Kahlan’s waist to the curve of her buttocks, cupping it. She tugged Kahlan in tighter against her, grinding herself on Kahlan’s mound. Kahlan gasped at the pressure. Cara felt as if she were melting from the inside out. Now that she had permission to touch Kahlan, she didn’t think she could ever stop. Kahlan’s hands palmed her breasts, her finger’s twisting Cara’s nipples into hard, sensitive points. Cara groaned appreciatively.  
  
Cara used her hands and mouth to explore Kahlan’s body, sinking into the sensation completely. Kahlan conducted her own forays across Cara’s skin with equal fervor. Soon, they were breathless and trembling in each other’s arms. Cara’s lips felt bruised and swollen as she placed open-mouthed kisses along the column of Kahlan’s neck. Kahlan leaned heavily on Cara, as if her legs were having trouble holding her up. Kahlan whimpered quietly as Cara lavished more kisses on her collarbone and shoulder.  
  
“Cara, please,” whispered Kahlan.  
  
Heat surged through Cara at the begging tone of Kahlan’s voice. Blindly, her mouth never leaving Kahlan’s skin, she half guided, half carried Kahlan toward the bed. They fell into the bed together. Somehow Kahlan came up on top, kneeling over Cara with a leg on either side of one of Cara’s thighs. Gently, Kahlan lowered herself onto Cara. Cara moaned loudly as Kahlan’s sex pressed into her thigh, the Confessor’s arousal slicking her skin. Kahlan let out her own groan as she rocked her hips against Cara’s leg. Molten desire poured through Cara as she watched Kahlan lose herself in the sensations the friction caused.  
  
“Spirits, Cara. I’ve wanted this for so long,” gasped out Kahlan as Cara pushed her leg up, increasing the pressure. Cara’s fingers dug into Kahlan’s hips.  
  
Cara wanted to ask why they hadn’t done this before, why Kahlan hadn’t let her touch the Confessor until now, but she couldn’t form words as Kahlan bore down on her thigh. For two months, she’d been denied the pleasure of Kahlan’s body. The feel of her now overwhelmed Cara’s senses. Yet it wasn’t enough. She wanted more, so much more.  
  
Growling, Cara heaved herself up, rolling Kahlan onto her back and reversing their positions. On hands and knees, Cara paused for a moment, drinking in the sight of Kahlan underneath her, Kahlan’s breasts quaking with every rough breath, the Confessor’s blue eyes darkening to a shade of indigo as she gazed at Cara through half-closed lashes. Cara licked her lips. There were so many things she wanted to do at that moment, it almost paralyzed her. Then, Kahlan’s hands tangled in her hair, and Cara plunged into the kiss, her body sinking down on top of Kahlan. Kahlan arched against her, straining to guide Cara’s thigh where she wanted it, but Cara had other ideas.  
  
Grabbing hold of Kahlan’s wrists with her hands, Cara stretched her arms up over Kahlan’s head. A quick shift of her hands, and she had Kahlan’s hands pinned beneath one of her own. Kahlan’s eyes widened as she realized what Cara was doing. The Mord’Sith smirked down at the Kahlan.  
  
“Turnabout’s fair play, Kahlan,” she said blithely.  
  
For a moment, indignation flared in the Confessor’s eyes, but Cara kneaded one of Kahlan’s breasts until she had Kahlan mewling and twisting underneath her, her wrath forgotten. Her hand worked its way down Kahlan’s body, scraping fingers across ribs and stomach and hipbone. As she lightly brushed the top of Kahlan’s curls with her fingertips, the Confessor shuddered. Cara savored the way Kahlan opened her legs a little wider without even seeming to know she’d done it. She caught Kahlan’s eyes, wanting to see Kahlan’s expression when her fingers finally made contact. Kahlan bit her lip, as if she knew what Cara was thinking. Cara’s fingers slipped between Kahlan’s wet folds, and the Confessor let out a choked gasp, her eyes huge.  
  
Cara set a languid rhythm, stroking Kahlan with steady, even motions. She may have teased Kahlan about reciprocation, even going so far as to mimic their positions on the first day Kahlan had taken her, but that was where the comparison ended. That first day had been desperate and fast. Cara wanted this to last. She wanted to linger over every sound, every smell. Kahlan panted as Cara added a little more pressure to her touch, yet the Confessor’s gaze never wavered, her eyes locked onto Cara’s. Cara nearly gasped at the emotions playing across Kahlan’s face. Cara’s blood thrummed inside of her, her chest expanding.   
  
Cara’s fingers dipped lower, playing at Kahlan’s entrance, before rising again to resume their lazy circling. Kahlan’s hips jerked hungrily, silently begging. Cara tightened her grip on Kahlan’s wrists, a smile spreading across her face. Then, she pushed inside Kahlan firmly with two fingers. With a deep moan, Kahlan’s head fell back, finally breaking eye contact as her eyes squeezed shut. Heady sensations filled Cara as Kahlan’s silky heat closed around her fingers. Her own sex throbbed and ached, but it was the roaring beat of her heart that captured her attention and sharpened her focus. Gently at first, then with increasing speed, her fingers worked inside of Kahlan, coaxing wanton sounds from the Confessor. With each thrust she poured her emotions into Kahlan, needing to put into action what she could not yet say in words. Kahlan writhed underneath Cara, the muscles in her arms flexing as if she wanted to free herself from Cara’s grasp, yet her sharp cries of pleasure rose in pitch as Cara’s thumb found her clit.  
  
Though she touched Kahlan, Cara struggled to breathe, as if she were the one being touched. She’d never felt this way before. Kahlan was giving herself to Cara, and Cara yearned to be worthy of it. She knew in that instant that she’d do anything for Kahlan. With that thought in her mind, she brought Kahlan to the edge of her climax and sent her plummeting over. Kahlan screamed Cara’s name and Cara flushed with pride and love. The Confessor’s eyes flew open, her blue eyes swirling black. Her body went rigid as her magic flooded out of her, only to be rebuffed by the Rada’Han. Kahlan’s inner walls clamped down on Cara’s fingers, and together they rode out Kahlan’s contractions. Eventually the spasms receded and Kahlan’s eyes faded back to clear blue. Her body fell slack. Cara gently withdrew her fingers, and Kahlan shuddered once more. The Mord’Sith uncurled her other hand, freeing Kahlan’s wrists.  
  
Kahlan brought her hand to Cara’s face, gently running a thumb over Cara’s lower lip. The Confessor’s eyes sparkled.  
  
“Thank you,” Kahlan whispered.  
  
Cara couldn’t respond, her words caught in her throat. She had come here to end this, but instead had fallen deeper into Kahlan. She might have regretted it, had it not been for the light in Kahlan’s eyes. For once, Cara was certain that this meant as much to Kahlan as it did to her.  
  
“Cara, I-“ began Kahlan, about to give voice to what both of them felt.  
  
Cara cut her off with a kiss. She knew what this was between them now, but it felt too soon, too scary to name it aloud just yet.  
  
“I know,” Cara said simply when she broke away a moment later.  
  
Kahlan looked as if she might insist on saying more, but then her lips quirked into a small smile and she nodded. Cara sighed in relief.  
  
“So, what do we do now?” asked the Confessor as Cara settled onto the bed. They lay facing each other, Cara’s hand resting on Kahlan’s hip. Kahlan’s fingers traced aimless, wandering patterns over Cara’s collarbone. The question surprised Cara. Kahlan had always taken the lead to the point where Cara had almost forgotten that she might have a say in what came next.  
  
Cara furrowed her brow, considering the question. That Kahlan cared for her changed everything and nothing at all. There was still Richard, and whatever feelings Kahlan may still have for him. And his feelings for Kahlan. Cara’s stomach lurched with a twinge of guilt, a sensation she was becoming all too familiar with over the past weeks. The whole situation seemed almost too messy to contemplate.  
  
So, she responded to the question with one of her own – one that she did not want to ask, but which needed to be answered. “What of Richard?”  
  
Kahlan’s face darkened at the mention of the Seeker’s name. A faint glassiness in her eyes made Cara think that the Confessor might cry again, but Kahlan’s jaw tightened slightly. Her expression held not anger, but the firmness of one meeting an unpleasant truth with resolve.  
  
“Kahlan, what’s wrong?” asked Cara, her heart sinking.  
  
“Richard left this morning, before dawn,” replied Kahlan softly.  
  
“But, I don’t understand. Why would he leave? Why didn’t he tell me? When will he be back?” Cara’s words tumbled out of her while her insides twisted themselves in knots. Her brain struggled to catch up with what her gut already knew.  
  
“Richard won’t be returning to Aydindril,” said Kahlan, answering only Cara’s last question. She uttered the words evenly, but her voice held a hint of strain.  
  
Suddenly Cara understood. Kahlan had told Richard about them.  
  
“It’s my fault,” Cara said flatly.  
  
“No, Cara, the fault is mine.” Kahlan’s tone was rich with compassion that was no doubt meant to be comforting to Cara. The Confessor laid a sympathetic hand on Cara’s shoulder.  
  
Actions intended to be soothing had the opposite effect instead. With a frantic energy Cara bolted out of the bed, reaching for her clothes. She had to talk to Richard, she had to explain. Her thoughts raced wildly. Perhaps she could catch him before the day was out. And then what? What could she say to the man who had counted her as a friend and who she had betrayed by sullying the purest relationship he had ever known? The thought stopped her halfway across the carpet. Richard already knew and he’d left. It had been no mistake that she’d had no word of his departure. He hadn’t wanted her to know. The Lord Rahl had abandoned her.  
  
Cara’s knees buckled and she slumped to the floor, staring aimlessly, her eyes unfocused. Something shattered inside of her. It wasn’t her heart. Kahlan held that firmly in her hand. If Cara had been able to put it into words, she would have said it was her identity that was breaking. Perhaps it was an identity that had been carved for her out of her own blood and pain, but it was one she had come to embrace. She was Mord’Sith. Since childhood, she’d served the Lord Rahl, whoever that may be. It was her world. Kahlan had been the first thing, the only thing that Cara had wanted outside of that life, and now, because of that one desire, her whole existence had been irrevocably altered. It seemed a cruel trade – her love for the only life she’d known – and she hadn’t even realized she’d made that bargain before it was done and over with.  
  
Cara laughed bitterly as her reeling mind dragged other ugly truths into the harsh light of day. From the start she’d lied to herself, letting herself believe that all that lay between her and Kahlan was a simple game of seduction. She’d convinced herself that Kahlan was as corrupt and tainted as any other royal Cara had met before. Half a lifetime servicing Darken Rahl’s every need had made her cynical. She’d belittled what Kahlan offered her, and in doing so had recklessly underestimated its power.  
  
For Kahlan never did things in half measures. She was no pampered courtesan indulging in a trifling, insubstantial bout of lust. From the start, the Confessor must have known what had driven her to infidelity. Kahlan was nothing if not honest. Cara had been the coward. She’d had so little faith in what these encounters between she and Kahlan meant, that she hadn’t even been able to name her own feelings until a few short hours ago. That Kahlan would choose her, not abandon her at the merest sign of trouble, seemed impossible. Some part of her truly thought that in the end, Kahlan would either return to Richard in full, or that she and the Confessor would continue on as they had, snatching moments alone in the shadows. But Kahlan had done the unthinkable. She’d dared to love Cara. And she’d told Richard.  
  
And because of that the Lord Rahl was lost to Cara.  
  
If she hadn’t already been on her knees, she might have collapsed under the weight of her emotions. Guilt and sorrow tore at the fragile beginnings of her love for Kahlan like a fierce wind, threatening to uproot what had just been planted. A deep pit opened inside of her, and she thought she might disappear into it without a sound.  
  
Then, Kahlan touched her shoulder. Cara’s head jerked up. Kahlan knelt in front of her, her own expression laced with pain, yet her eyes gleamed with a sort of peaceful resignation and even a glimmer of hope. Her hand drifted from Cara’s shoulder to her cheek, her thumb circling lightly over Cara’s cheekbone. Cara leaned into the touch with the desperation of a drowning man reaching for an extended branch.  
  
“I’m sorry, Cara,” Kahlan said quietly. “I know I should have told you right away. There’s so much I need to explain to you. But I was selfish. I needed you with me this morning. Perhaps, I shouldn’t have told Richard at all without you here, without you knowing. But I couldn’t lie to him anymore. I owed him at least that much. I hope you’ll forgive me, one day.”  
  
Cara’s eyes burned, tears leaking from her eyes and carving twin hot paths down her cheeks. She swayed back, swiping roughly at her face and clearing her throat. Kahlan was asking her for forgiveness? It made no sense. If anyone could give either of them absolution, it was Richard. Wasn’t it?  
  
Kahlan stared at Cara silently, her blue eyes asking for understanding. All at once, Cara was struck by Kahlan’s beauty, despite the lines of worry marring her face. She’d always found Kahlan attractive, the power and grace of the Confessor alluring. Yet here, now, with Kahlan so vulnerable, simply a woman seeking comfort from her lover, she seemed more beautiful to Cara than she ever had before. Cara’s heart caught in her throat. She wanted to trust this more than anything. She wanted to lose herself in Kahlan.  
  
Yet she didn’t know how to build a life on the wreckage of her betrayal. Cara could feel her world crumbling around her. Who was she if she was no longer Mord’Sith, if she did not serve the Lord Rahl?  
  
“I’ll understand if you need to go to him,” Kahlan said meekly, a tone that Cara had never heard the Confessor use before. “He seemed more sad than angry when he left. And this is Richard after all. He can be quite forgiving.”  
  
Cara could tell that the Confessor meant her words, but she doubted that her penance would come so easily. Even Richard’s kindness had its limits. And then there were Kahlan’s eyes, pleading with Cara to stay even as her words freed her to leave. Cara wanted to reassure Kahlan, make promises that would wipe the worry from Kahlan’s expression, but she found she couldn’t. Spirits, she loved Kahlan. Her heart felt as if it would burst from that love. But that love had laid waste to the rest of her world.  
  
“I need time,” said Cara roughly.  
  
She pushed herself from the floor, refusing Kahlan’s assistance. Kahlan remained silent as Cara dressed in the leathers that seemed to burn where they touched her skin. She couldn’t lift her face to look at Kahlan. Her chest ached as she made her way to the door. She kept her eyes straight ahead, knowing that if she looked back, she wouldn’t be able to leave the room. At the doorway, she paused, leaning on one shaking arm for support.  
  
“I just need time,” she repeated, offering Kahlan what little comfort she could. Then, she stumbled out of the room, pretending that she could not hear Kahlan’s sob behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

Cara gazed at the red leather under her hand, her fingers caressing the supple, strong material that felt like a second skin to her. She’d worn this uniform for more than half her life. But those days were done now. She had to find a new life, whatever that might mean. Carefully, she laid her agiels on top of the folded leathers. Setting them aside was somehow harder than divesting herself of her uniform. She longed to pick them up again, to feel their comforting sting, but she held back. She had to learn a new way. Finally, she laid a folded piece of parchment on top of the bundle. It was a letter from Richard, arrived a few days ago. She’d not gone after him, for she’d never found the right thing to say. For nearly three weeks she’d sat down almost every day in front of her journeybook, but try as she might to write even the simplest message, her words failed her and the empty pages stared back at her forlornly. Then the letter came. She almost couldn’t bear to open it, imagining everything it might contain. When she finally found the courage to read it, she’d stared at the three words on the parchment for hours.   
  
_I forgive you._  
  
Three words that meant so many things. Upon reading the letter, the first flush of relief had faded as Cara understood it was more than a pardoning of her actions. It was also a farewell of sorts. He was releasing her, letting her go, and that brought with it sharp pangs of loneliness that she wasn’t prepared for. If pressed, she would not be able to describe how she was so certain that Richard was saying good-bye, but she knew it for truth. She wondered if Kahlan had received a similar letter. Cara was free, whether she wanted to be or not.  
  
Sighing, Cara closed the lid of the trunk and locked it, securing leathers, agiels, and letter. She stood, straightening her new clothes as she did. Though the breeches and tunic were close-fitting, they still did not hug her the way her leathers had. They felt awkward and baggy. She flexed her bare hands, the creak of her gloves notably absent. Grumpily, she gave her blue jerkin a sharp tug, and threw a light cloak over her shoulders. She drew the hood up over her head before leaving her chambers. It would not do for her to be recognized – not for what she intended to do today.  
  
Heading to the Great Hall, she weaved her way through the crowds near the entrance before she found the end of the line she was looking for. She took her place behind a rough looking man and his haggard wife, farmers by the look of their garb, and down on their luck at that. She slouched low on the bench, hiding in the depths of her cowl. A coldly handsome man with an arrogant sneer settled next to her, a minor lord who sniffed with disdain at having to be seated next to commoners, but who paid her little attention. After years of her uniform stirring up anything from fear to outrage, this anonymity seemed strange. Today, however, it was welcome.  
  
Hours passed as Cara waited her turn. The farmers talked with each other in awed, hushed tones, no doubt overwhelmed by the grandeur of the Confessors Palace, while the nobleman fidgeted and sighed impatiently. Cara stayed silent, hardly moving. Finally, the line in front of her dwindled until she stood next.  
  
“Who is the next petitioner?” called Kahlan, her voice full of the imperious tone of the Mother Confessor. Cara swallowed, a slight thrill trickling down her spine. She had not heard nor seen Kahlan since the day Richard had left.  
  
Cara stepped forward, throwing back her hood. Murmurs arose from those in the crowd that recognized her. Kahlan stared at her in stunned silence, her mouth slightly agape and her blue eyes troubled. Before the Confessor could say anything, Cara dropped to one knee and bowed her head.  
  
“My name is Cara Mason. I have come today to pledge my fealty to the Mother Confessor and to the Midlands. I offer my life and my skills as a warrior in defense of this land. I only hope that you will do me the honor of accepting my request,” she said solemnly, uttering the words that she’d practiced a hundred times before. Still the words felt strange in her mouth – they certainly lacked the flavor of the D’Haran’s daily devotions.  
  
Cara heard Kahlan rise from the First Chair and take a step toward her before stopping.  
  
“Cara, look at me,” ordered Kahlan.  
  
When Cara raised her face, she met blue eyes filled with confusion and worry.  
  
“You don’t have to do this,” said the Confessor softly.  
  
“I must. I need to…” Cara’s voice faltered. Once Richard had freed her, she’d been set adrift, with no anchor to hold her in the disorienting possibilities of an ever shifting future. If she was honest, she’d been dizzy and disoriented the moment she’d left Kahlan’s chambers. The letter had only worsened her predicament. How could she explain to Kahlan that her need to serve was equal in weight to her love for the Confessor? She’d gained her heart, only to lose another part of herself. Perhaps today she could reclaim some of what she’d lost. Cara pleaded with Kahlan silently, begging her to understand.  
  
Something in Kahlan’s features shifted and softened, before the line of her mouth firmed.  
  
“Very well,” said Kahlan, her tone recovering the authority of the Mother Confessor. “Your petition is granted. We will discuss the terms of your service later. You will attend me once I have heard the rest of the petitions for the day.”  
  
“As you command, Mother Confessor. Thank you.”  
  
Cara rose to go, but Kahlan caught her eye, giving her one last lingering look before turning to the next petitioner. As she strode from the Great Hall, Cara finally felt as if her feet were on solid ground again.  
  
***  
  
“What do you mean by standing there in front of all Aydindril, declaring your loyalty to me?” demanded Kahlan, her voice a mix of ire and bafflement. Cara scowled as she closed the door to Kahlan’s chamber behind her.  
  
“If you did not understand, why did you accept my offer? And it was hardly the entire city,” replied Cara stonily. This was not how she’d pictured their first real conversation going.  
  
“You are not some common soldier, Cara, to be disposed of at the whim of the Mother Confessor,” snapped Kahlan peevishly.  
  
“Then what am I?” challenged Cara. “I am no longer Mord’Sith, Kahlan. I serve no cause. I have no home. I am nothing.”  
  
“You are the one I love,” said Kahlan fiercely. “That’s enough.”  
  
“But what if it isn’t? I have always been…useful. I’ve always had a purpose, whether it was one you agreed with or not.” Cara’s shoulders sagged. She’d truly thought Kahlan understood.  
  
Suddenly, Kahlan crossed the room to her and placed a hand on either side of Cara’s face. The Confessor stared at her with piercing eyes that gave Cara the impression that Kahlan could see straight through her. Kahlan’s anger fled, replaced by concern as she examined Cara’s expression.  
  
“I should never have thought that you would be content with anything less,” said Kahlan, with a sad smile on her face. “We will find you a place, in the Home Guard perhaps. It was foolish of me to think that I could keep you out of harm’s way.”  
  
“You can’t coddle me,” replied Cara.  
  
“No, I suppose not. Our lives aren’t meant for that. Only, now that I’ve got you, I don’t want anything to happen to you.”  
  
Kahlan emphasized her words with a deep kiss that shook Cara to her core. It seemed now that it was truly the two of them alone, Kahlan felt free to pour herself into her touches without restraint. Cara’s heart and body responded together, both flushing with a feverish heat. Her whole being seemed to lean into Kahlan, eager for the touch she’d abstained from for the past weeks. She nearly forgot herself as Kahlan’s arms wrapped around her middle, her own arms curling over Kahlan’s shoulders and behind her neck. She dragged her mouth away slowly, reluctantly, breathing heavily.  
  
Trying to steady herself, Cara took half a step back, loosening yet not quite escaping Kahlan’s embrace. She forced herself to meet Kahlan’s eyes.  
  
“I need to know why you chose me over Richard,” said Cara, a slightly sour feeling in her gut. She didn’t want to have this conversation, but she knew her mind would give her no peace if she didn’t address it now.  
  
“It wasn’t a choice,” replied Kahlan, her brow creasing slightly, as if she struggled with the memories. “I loved Richard. I did. And then something changed. I tried to stop it, but it was too late, and my love began to fade.”  
  
“But he adored you. He would’ve given you everything,” insisted Cara. It was true. There were things that she would never be able to provide for Kahlan that Richard might have been able to.  
  
“Don’t you think I know that? But the heart wants what it wants. And for me, that was – that is you,” said Kahlan.  
  
Cara’s mouth went dry. She croaked, “How long have you felt this way?”  
  
“Months before I had the courage to do anything about it,” replied Kahlan, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She shook her head as if at her own foolishness.  
  
“Why didn’t you come right out and say something?” questioned Cara.  
  
Kahlan laughed, a sound that somehow told Cara that it was an absurd question without directly mocking her. “As if Cara Mason, the great Mord’Sith, would have ever believed me, let alone let me get close enough to convince you otherwise. No, I needed to court you in a way you would understand.”  
  
Cara’s mouth dropped open. “Court me?! You dominated me better than any Mord’Sith mistress could.”  
  
“Precisely.” Kahlan flashed her a devilish grin.  
  
“Then, all this was part of your plan?” asked Cara, bewildered.  
  
At this, Kahlan sobered again, the lines of her face tensing. “No. Beyond trying to get you to open up to me, I didn’t have a plan, not that I’m sure one would have helped. I never meant to hurt you or Richard the way that I did, but I couldn’t let you go. I’m sorry that I was so selfish, Cara. I truly am.”   
  
Kahlan’s eyes searched Cara’s for forgiveness, and Cara was once again taken aback by how lovely the Confessor was when she was so exposed. This time she was glad to give Kahlan the solace she needed.  
  
“It is for the better,” Cara murmured as she brushed her lips over Kahlan’s mouth. She pressed her mouth to the Confessor’s, feeling Kahlan’s soft lips move under hers. She soaked up the sensation as she suckled Kahlan’s lower lip. She felt Kahlan’s arms tighten around her once again.  
  
When they broke apart, Kahlan whispered, “I love you, Cara.”  
  
Cara’s heartbeat raced, like a wild stallion that seemed as if it would carry her away. “Kahlan, I…I…”  
  
The words would not come, but Kahlan smiled softly and stroked Cara’s cheek gently with the back of her hand. “I know, Cara. I know.”  
  
Cara relaxed. The words would be there one day, but until that day arrived, Kahlan would accept what Cara could give her. She returned Kahlan’s smile before lifting her chin and capturing Kahlan’s mouth again. The kiss turned hot and needy as Kahlan’s tongue invaded Cara’s mouth. Grabbing a fistful of Kahlan’s hair in her hand, Cara tugged Kahlan’s head back, roughly but not enough to hurt. Her other arm circled Kahlan’s waist, crushing their bodies together.  
  
“Now that we’re back to something I do understand,” smirked Cara, “I should warn you that I have months’ worth of unrequited pleasure that I fully intend to inflict on you as soon as possible, since apparently I have permission to touch you.”  
  
At her words, Kahlan shuddered in Cara’s arms. Cara watched in satisfaction as the Confessor’s pupils dilated and her breathing quickened.  
  
“I look forward to that,” said Kahlan breathlessly.  
  
“Perhaps I should make you beg for it first,” teased Cara before closing her mouth on Kahlan’s throat.  
  
Kahlan moaned before replying in husky tones, “I never made you beg.”  
  
“True,” Cara admitted, her lips brushing the skin of Kahlan’s neck as she spoke, “but it might still be fun.”  
  
“You wouldn’t d-dare,” mumbled Kahlan, tripping over the last word as Cara bit down on her ear lobe.  
  
“We’ll see. But not tonight. Tonight, I just want to be with you,” replied Cara, pulling back just far enough to catch Kahlan’s eyes again. Desire and emotion played openly across Kahlan’s features, and Cara knew her own face revealed as much. She was surprised when Kahlan’s hands gripped her upper arms and pushed her firmly back.  
  
“Give me one moment,” said Kahlan with an apologetic smile. The Confessor went to a small stand by the bed and opened a drawer. She removed the Rada’Han from the drawer’s depths. She quickly closed the collar around her neck, but she was not fast enough to hide the small flinch as it clicked shut. Cara winced too.  
  
When Kahlan approached her again, Cara reached up to touch the cold, enchanted steel, exploring its ridges and curves.   
  
“You won’t need this one day,” she said adamantly, with every intention to make good on that promise.  
  
“I have no doubt of that,” answered Kahlan, rewarding Cara with another smile.  
  
“Is this why you wouldn’t let me touch you, in the beginning?” Cara asked.  
  
Unexpectedly, Kahlan’s cheeks colored, though Cara couldn’t tell whether it was from shame, embarrassment, or anger. Kahlan’s gaze didn’t waver, but her voice was low and unsteady when she said, “I was afraid.”  
  
“Of confessing me?”  
  
“No, not that. I had the Rada’Han from the start. I wanted you to…participate, even then. But if you had touched me without feeling as I did, I think it would have broken my heart. It sounds insane, I know-“  
  
“It sounds completely sane to me,” interjected Cara, seeing Kahlan’s distress, and in a way it did make perfect sense. As long as Kahlan alone acted, it had remained about her emotions only. To let Cara play a part meant opening up the possibility that Cara would not respond with the Confessor’s ardor. At one point, early on, maybe she wouldn’t have, but that was past. She took hold of Kahlan’s hands, drawing her near. “I belong to you, now. That’s all that matters.”  
  
With that, Cara kissed Kahlan with a ferocity that left both of them panting. Kahlan’s hands played at the buckle of Cara’s belt. As the belt popped open, Kahlan chuckled.  
  
“Somehow you’ve managed to acquire more clothing by giving up your leathers,” Kahlan said.  
  
“True, but they are much easier to get out of,” retorted Cara. She quickly opened the clasp of her cloak, letting the garment drop to the ground. She slipped off the jerkin and tunic in one smooth motion. Almost as quickly, she stripped off her breeches and boots, standing proudly with Kahlan staring at her hungrily. She gave the Confessor a predatory grin. “Your turn.”  
  
Cara managed to contain herself while Kahlan divested herself of her white gown and corset, but she found herself on her knees in front of the Confessor before Kahlan could slide her black skirt down. Cara placed open-mouthed kisses on the pale skin of Kahlan’s belly, working the skirt lower with her hands. As the skirt settled around Kahlan’s ankles, Cara licked her way up the inside of one hipbone. Kahlan gasped. Cara dug her fingers into the flesh of Kahlan’s hips, holding her in place as her mouth moved down Kahlan’s body. Kahlan’s hands tangled in Cara’s hair.  
  
When Cara’s mouth traveled dangerously close to Kahlan’s mound, Kahlan’s thighs trembled and the Confessor choked out, “Cara…bed…my legs…”  
  
Cara threw her head back, giving Kahlan a smug smile. Kahlan’s fingers tightened almost painfully in Cara’s hair, forcing Cara to her feet, where Kahlan devoured her mouth passionately. Then, with a hand flat on Cara’s chest, Kahlan gave Cara a shove toward the bed. Cara let herself be nudged, coming to the edge of the bed, but when Kahlan made to push her down on the mattress Cara twisted deftly, sending Kahlan rolling onto the bed instead. Kahlan’s sounds of protest cut off when Cara straddled her and took a hardening nipple into her mouth, trapping it between tongue and teeth. Kahlan’s back arched, offering more of her breasts to Cara. Cara began to throb between her legs, her whole body tingling.  
  
Time disappeared as Cara lavished attention on Kahlan’s body. The Confessor, not content to simply relinquish control, paid Cara’s body equal consideration. Their mouths crashed together, their limbs tangled, their hands groped for purchase on one another’s hips, backs, thighs. Cara drank in the sensual sounds she enticed from Kahlan, giving Kahlan her own low moans in return. She reveled in the way Kahlan filled her senses, pushing out everything else.  
  
So absorbed was she that it was almost a shock when Kahlan’s fingers slid through the folds of her sex. She gasped loudly, the sound echoing in her ears. She’d had no idea how wet she’d become until Kahlan’s fingers touched her. The Confessor had only begun and Cara already felt fit to burst, the sweet ache between her thighs almost unbearable. But she would not let Kahlan slip away. Blindly, Cara wedged her hand down between their bodies to Kahlan’s center, finding Kahlan as ready as she was herself. She groaned as the Confessor’s hips rolled into her touch. Kahlan answered with her own keen whimper. Each taking wordless instruction from the other, they matched each other’s rhythm, building toward their climax together. Cara’s flesh felt like liquid fire under Kahlan’s hand. Kahlan increased the pressure on Cara’s clit and a jolt of pleasure tore through her. She cried out, and Kahlan bore down on Cara’s fingers. Suddenly, they were crashing over the edge together, Cara biting down hard on Kahlan’s shoulder as Kahlan let out an ecstatic sob. Cara felt Kahlan’s body quaking. She pulled Kahlan close, clinging to her as their release gradually ebbed away.  
  
Slowly, Kahlan stilled. Cara weakly lifted her head, taking in the Confessor’s blissful expression, her disheveled hair, her kiss-bruised lips. With darkening eyes that reminded Cara of twilight on a summer’s eve, Kahlan stared at her with a searing look that had Cara melting all over again. Cara’s heartbeat thundered in her ears, drowning out anything but Kahlan.  
  
And though Cara Mason never submitted to anyone, ever, she knew that woman before her could command her with a look – and Cara would thank her for it. With that thought, Cara grinned, and reached for Kahlan again.


End file.
